Children take comfort in routine and familiarity – they feel safe in their well-known house and their well-known room; they feel calm when things happen the same way every day; they feel happy in the company of their habitual friends. When something changes, they need to face an unknown “new” – and that is a scary, disheartening prospect.
The fear of the unknown is the main reason why children are so resistant to changes. And moving house is one of the biggest possible changes in their young lives.
When you move to a new place, your children will be forced to step out of their comfort zone and brave the unknown – it will be a difficult, stressful, and traumatic experience. Your young ones will be sad to leave their friends, school, neighborhood, and the house they’ve always known as their home – and they will be afraid of what awaits them in the new area.
To ensure a successful relocation and make the transition easier for your kids, you need to handle the situation very carefully – ease your children’s anxieties, reassure them that they will be safe, loved, and happy in their new home, and get them excited about their new life. Most importantly, you need to avoid consequential mistakes that will turn the relocation challenge into a complete debacle.
Read on to find out what mistakes to avoid when moving with children and how to smoothly navigate the troublesome relocation process.
Overlooking important research
Researching your new area and learning as much about it as possible is essential when moving to a new place, but even more so when moving with children. You need to know what to expect (in terms of not only job opportunities and living costs, but also neighborhood safety, local green areas, etc.), where to find what you may need (not only shops and institutions, but also medical facilities, playgrounds, etc.), and what your new city has to offer (not only cultural opportunities and entertainment options, but also attractions and activities that your children will enjoy).
Healthcare should be among your primary concerns – children get sick frequently and tend to have unexpected accidents, so you need to find a new doctor as soon as possible and make sure there is a quality healthcare center near your new home.
School districts are also of crucial importance when moving with children – you need to find a good new school for your little ones and buy or rent a property within that school’s boundaries.
Not giving your children enough time to prepare for the big change
One of the most common mistakes parents make when moving with children is underestimating the amount of time their little ones need to come to terms with the move. Kids need time to process the news, understand why the relocation is necessary, find out what exactly will happen, vent their frustrations, share their concerns, say goodbye to their old home, neighborhood, school, and friends, and get excited about their new life.
Waiting until the last minute to tell your children about the move is guaranteed to cause tension and stress. You need to start discussing the upcoming relocation well in advance, so your little ones have ample time to emotionally prepare for the big change.
- Tell your kids why you’ve decided to move – It is a great mistake to assume your children are too young to understand the reasons for your move and don’t explain anything to them. Kids need to rationalize the change, to know why they have to leave their home and friends behind – if they don’t understand why it is necessary, why it will be good for your family, they will resist the change and will be very upset with you for uprooting them their comfort zones;
- Answer all your kids’ questions and encourage them to share their concerns – Let your little ones know where you’re going to live, what kind of place your new home will be, how you will get there, what they can bring, when they will see their friends again, etc. Highlight things they can get excited about (bigger room, nearby park, interesting new activities, etc.) and try to assuage their fears. Be honest, patient, and considerate and keep the communication open at all times;
- Help your kids say their goodbyes – take them to their favorite places in town, invite all their friends over for a farewell party, take plenty of photos, find a special token from your old home they can take along, etc. These rituals will help your little ones create positive memories and overcome the feeling of loss.
See also: How to tell your child you’re moving
Related mistake: Lying to your children
As bad as lack of communication is, lying about the move is the gravest mistake you can make when moving with children. Whether it is about the reasons for the move, the relocation date, the new school, or the attraction in the new city, lies won’t reduce the moving stress for your kids or make them accept the inevitable change more easily – they will only make your little ones lose their trust in you.
No matter what, you should always be honest with your children about every aspect of the move – or they will be devastated when they find out the truth and your relationship will deteriorate.
Having unrealistic expectations about how much help children can provide
You may expect your children – especially older ones – to help you with the moving preparations. It is, however, unreasonable to expect a lot of assistance from kids.
Teenagers may be unwilling to help – if they resist the relocation, they will certainly not want to facilitate it. And even if they’re not against moving house, they will want to spend the last weeks before the move having fun with their friends, not packing household items and dealing with other laborious moving tasks.
Younger children may be eager to help once they come to terms with the move, but they lack the necessary experience and technical know-how. If you allow your kids to pack, you will worry that they may break something or hurt themselves and will have to supervise them all the time. Even if you give them only safe, non-breakable items to pack, you may still need to repack a lot of their boxes as children tend to just shove items away without organizing the space. And you cannot assume that kids can pack up their entire rooms – there are many fragile and valuable items in a child’s room that should be handled by adults.
Very young kids cannot be expected to help at all, of course.
Related mistake: Not taking sufficient measures to ensure your children’s safety
Whether kids do or don’t help with the moving preparations, you must be very careful to ensure they don’t get hurt during the relocation process.
Do not let little ones handle electrical cords, heavy items, breakables, or sharp objects (scissors included), go near stacks of boxes, or run around on moving day – take all necessary measures to keep your children out of harm’s way. It may be best to let them stay with their grandparents or with a close friend on the day of your move – or at least to hire a babysitter to keep them occupied in a safe and quiet room, away from the moving chaos.
Not involving the kids
While you cannot expect your little ones to provide a lot of moving help, you should not exclude them from the moving preparations entirely – this is one of the biggest mistakes when moving with children. They need to be involved, so they can feel a part of the process and get excited about it.
Give your kids age-appropriate tasks that will keep them engaged (so you can focus on your work) and will show them that they’re trusted participants in the moving process (so they feel that their efforts and opinions matter, that they have a say).
- Let kids pack their clothes, books, stuffed toys, and other things that are safe for them to handle; let them make colorful labels and decorate the moving boxes; let them pick a few special items for their “essentials box”; etc.
- If your children are old enough, you can ask them to take care of the pets; let them pick a paint color for their new room; consult them about the set-up and décor of your new home; or ask if there is anything on your moving to-do-list that they feel comfortable handling.
Your children will feel that they are playing an essential role in the process and will become more self-confident, more responsible, and more accepting of the move.
See also: 5 ways kids can help during a move
Related mistake: Decluttering your kids’ room when they’re not there
Even if your children are still young and not able to sort through their belongings and decide what to keep and what to leave behind, you should not throw away or donate any of their items without their knowledge. Children get attached to things – even a seemingly useless item can be a real treasure for them and they will be very sad and angry if you throw it away.
Explain to your kids why they can’t bring all their stuff along and set a limit on how many toys they can pack. Let them choose what exactly they want to take, but be firm and don’t allow them to go over the limit – this is a great opportunity to teach your little ones to identify what is truly important to them and to make responsible decisions.
See also: How to declutter your home before moving
Trying to do it all yourself
Moving is a difficult, stressful, time-consuming, and physically-draining process. And things get much more complicated when you’re moving with children – you not only need to take care of the arduous moving tasks, above all else you need to take care of your kids. And unless you’re supermom or superdad, it will be extremely difficult – or downright impossible – to manage it all by yourself. Attempting to do so will be a big mistake.
You need help – and professional moving help is your best bet. The experienced movers will take care of your relocation from start to finish and will make the transition much easier and smoother for you and your family. All you need to do is book a trustworthy moving company – the pros will do all the work for you and you will be able to focus on your kids and your new life.
See also: Why should I hire professional movers?
Not having your kids’ essentials at hand
Traveling unprepared is among the most severe mistakes when moving with children – the trip to your new home will seem long to your little ones, even if you’re moving short distance. You need to have snacks and bottled water, wet wipes and tissue paper, extra clothes and blankets, and, of course, a few toys at hand to keep your kids fed, clean, comfortable, and entertained during the trip. Failing to bring these essentials with you will make your travel quite stressful.
What’s more, you need to prepare a “first night’s box” with everything your little ones will need after the move (bedding, towels, pajamas, clothes, favorite toys and books, etc.) so you don’t waste time looking for these essentials when you arrive at your new home. Be sure to also bring some entertaining items your kids can have fun with in a limited area (coloring books, puzzles, board games, video games, etc.), so they stay safe in their room while you and your movers are unloading and unpacking the rest of your belongings.
See also: What to pack in an essentials box
Related mistake: Not having your new home ready for moving in
Being able to live normally in your new home right from the start is essential when you have young children – make sure any repairs and renovations are completed before move-in day, the utilities are running when you arrive, and you have all the household items necessary to make your new place functional and comfortable. Otherwise, it will be really difficult to take proper care of your kids after the move.
Related useful information: How to move house with a baby; How to move with a school-aged child; How to move with a teenager; How moving affects children
